Charlie's A Weeaboo
by livingstorywriter101
Summary: Charlie goes to an anime convention in an attempt to win the affection of The Waitress. Mac enters a martial arts competition. Dennis, Frank, and Dee all attempt to seduce convention hotties. What could go wrong? Rated for language.


**1:32 p.m.**

 **On a Monday.**

 **In Philadelphia, PA.**

A few usual customers litter Paddy's Pub. Frank and Dee sit in front of the bar while Dennis and Mac stand behind it, a beer in front of each of them. Frank, Dennis, and Mac are already involved in a heated debate. Dee looks less than interested in the topic.

"I'm telling you, Jessica Rabbit would be waaaay better in bed! Just look at those cans!" Frank says, pointing heatedly at his phones' screen, Dee rolling her eyes in response.

"Are you kidding me Frank!?" Mac shouts.

"Now, now you two. While Mrs. Rabbit admittedly has an amazing set of breasts, Stripperella is the clear winner in this contest." Dennis retorts, a sense of passion in his tone. "First off, Stripperella's powerset revolves around how sexy she is!"

"Yea and those sexy martial arts are badass!" Mac interjects, throwing a couple of karate chops in the air to extenuate his point.

Nodding in agreement, Dennis lifts his own beer. "Exactly! With moves like those one has to think about how limber she must be..." he trails off, licking his lips.

Both Dennis and Frank stare off into the distance, lost in thought at the idea of the animated Pamela Anderson going to bed with them. A Pamela-esque moan sounds in their heads and they sigh happily.

Dee scoffs disgustedly a the two and looks towards Mac. He stares back at her, a dumb smile on his face and zoned out look in his eyes. A vision of him seducing Carmen through martial arts playing out in his imagination. Dee shakes her head and downs the last of her beer.

"You three are disgusting," Dee says, breaking the three men out of their respective trance. "What's it even matter? Neither of them are real."

Quirking an eyebrow, Dennis looks at Dee. "You're one to talk, what with your stories."

"That's not the same at all! Those are real people playing well written and developed characters! And it's not like I'm fantasizing over some lines drawn on a piece of paper."

"You'd be surprised Deeandra," Frank argues. "There's a whole lot of people that eat up animated porn! There's a real audience for it."

"Animated porn is a thing!?" Mac asks, a light filling his eyes.

"You bet!" Frank nods.

"That's absolutely disgusting! What kind of sick pervert would be into that?" Dee gags.

As if on cue, Charlie bursts into the room with a winkled and dirty flyer in his hands and a wide smile on his face. He marches over to the rest of the gang and slams the flyer down on the bar. "I'm taking the weekend off!" he exclaims, animatedly pointing at the flyer.

Mac picks up the flyer and squints at it. "Anna eye… Anna ee… what the fuck is an Anidelphia?"

"It's an anime convention that's going on in town this weekend! And I'm going to it!"

 **Charlie's A Weeaboo**

The gang remains quiet for a few moments. "Ani-moo? Isn't that like Japanese porn?" Frank asks.

Dennis sighs and shakes his head at Frank's general lack of knowledge. "Anime, Frank, is a form of Japanese animation. It is not exclusively porn, that would be hentai."

"And how do you know so much about this topic?" Dee asks, eyebrow quirked.

A smirk plays across Dennis' lips. "There's nothing quite like seducing scantily clad women who want nothing more than to be noticed by their," he says as he makes air-quotes. "Senpai."

"Scent pie? Don't all pies have scents though?" Frank asks, more confused than ever.

Frustration crosses Dennis' face. "Scent pie? How do you…? A _senpai_ is someone who's older and more experienced than you. Someone you generally look up to for guidance. And the girls at those gatherings have a real thing for sleeping with them."

"Ohhhh! So, they have daddy issues then? I can definitely get behind that!"

"They're not daddy issues, Frank! They're fantasies about their favorite characters. You know what? Just forget it. None of the girls at this convention would go for you anyway."

"And why not? I've got plenty of guidance and experience to offer these broads!" Frank says.

"Ew. On that note, how did you even find out about this Charlie?" Dee asks, turning towards the excitable man.

"Well I was walking around when I ran into the waitress." Charlie starts.

The rest of the gang nods in realization and tunes Charlie out. They knew all they needed to know about the set up to the situation now. Charlie had more than likely been stalking the waitress only to hear she had some sort of interest in anime or the convention. And of course, that'd made him inject himself into the event, hoping to run into her and show that they have some sort of shared interest. Yet another ploy at winning her heart that would only end in his own heartbreak and her frustration.

"So, I grabbed the flyer from the hobo and ran back here with it! He gave me a good chase, but I wouldn't let him get me! I couldn't make out all the details on the flyer so I brought it here to have one of you read it to me! Also, I'm going to need a ride to and from the convention center from one of you."

The gang looked up at this. "I might actually join in on this! There's gotta be all sorts of cool martial arts stuff at this thing!" Mac says.

"Hell yea! I'll join in too! I wanna give this scent pie thing a try!"

" _SENPAI_ , Frank! It's senpai!" Dennis snaps. "But I would love to see you get rejection after rejection at this convention… why not? I'll tag along. It's been a while since I broke out my costume and the old senpai routine anyway."

"Costume? Bro, that's awesome! We all have to dress up for this thing!" Mac exclaims.

Charlie and Frank nod vigorously. "Hell yea! The waitress will never be able to resist me if I wear a sexy anime man costume!" Charlie yells.

Standing up, Dee shakes her head and turns to leave. "I'm sitting this one out. I don't feel like wasting my weekend around a bunch of nerds."

"Dude look at this!" Mac says, ignoring Dee. "Thunder Gun is going to be there!"

"No way!" Dennis, Charlie, and Frank all shout as Dee immediately stops and turns face them.

"Yea, it says so right here!"

"Sick man!"

"This is gonna rock!"

"Holy fuck, we're gonna meet Thunder Gun!"

A contemplative look crosses Dee's face for a split second before it turns into a smile. A vision her, scantily clad in some sort of post apocalypse-esque garb, seducing Thunder Gun in a ripped shirt plays out in her mind. Fuck yes.

"I think I'll tag along, actually."

 **A/N: So this is my first ever It's Always Sunny fic. I'm hoping I got everyone in character but if not, please feel free on how to do better in the future! Also, I've only just started season eight at the moment so if there's anything that doesn't line up with cannon from beyond that, that'd be why.**


End file.
